I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
