i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Randomize
