No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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