forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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