this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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