It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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