a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
