i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Who died my cat blue again?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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