Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
