and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
