Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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