woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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