Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
