Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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