Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
