That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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