i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
