I can't watch pbs sober anymore
North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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