just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
