We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
