I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
