If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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