wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Im part way to drunk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize