I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
