going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
