Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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