It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
birth control should be required to get into college
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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