You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
