seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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