I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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