Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
