plz talk dirty to me
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Sober January is a disaster.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
