Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
