Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
