I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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