Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
