i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im having a threesome with these popsicles
please come you make the beer taste better
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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