At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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