I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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