$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you mean i was at the winter classic?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
