You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
