Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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