I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
