dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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