If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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