Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
