whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
