everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
