I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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