I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
