I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
