My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
