I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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