there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
