i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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