I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
