I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
