Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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