I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
