i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
