So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
