She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
