he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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