I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
